with these words

Emily Brown sings my heart

2012-01-23T04:50:00.000-05:00

I recently discovered Emily Brown, who is a mix of Ingrid Michaelson, Tori Amos, and someone else I can't quite name. Not only do I love her style, but her lyrics are perfectly expressing my heart right now.

(Somewhere starts at about 1:30)

I watched you leave me, and you watched me stay
You must believe me in what I must say
That Christmas must end every year...

Train stations are never forgiving
And when you leave, I have to go on living
But sometimes true love is open to fear

If you have gone to New York City,
When are you coming home?
'Cause walking through the raining street
Oh I feel so alone...

If you have run away from something,
Will you be running back?
For I would wander forty years
To step in all your tracks

I hope the Mayans were right...

2012-01-20T21:48:00.000-05:00

I'm overwhelmed with life.

I'm underwhelmed by life.

I hope the Mayans were right. I really won't mind if the world ends on December 21.

Thinking about 2012

2012-01-01T09:00:00.003-05:00

On Resolutions
I suck at New Year's Resolutions. There's just something about the whole concept that sends my personality into militant revolt. "Do NOT tell me what to do!"

So, no. Not gonna even try this year.

The one and only thing I am vowing to (attempt to) do this year is to keep a journal. I used to do this regularly and I don't know why I stopped. I think part of it is that it's sometimes just too difficult to probe all those dark places and find ways to express those feeling with words. Sometimes that's necessary, but often it feels like I'm just hanging out and enjoying the whole ugly morass.

Recently I saw this idea for "index card journaling." You create a lovely crafty box, fill it up with lovely crafty index cards (one for each day of the year), and every day you jot down something that was significant about that particular day. Way too complicated (and crafty) for me. But I like the concept.

I have a pile of empty journals that I purchased just because they were too pretty to leave at the store, so I plan to use one of those. And hopefully by the end of the year I'll have a journal filled with memories of significant events, even if it's only a record of the first heavy snowfall of the year or a particularly wonderful movie.

On Changes
I have become aware of a character flaw that I am going to work at changing. Not a resolution...just a concentrated effort. :)

I have realized that I become defensive when criticized. Not that I don't like to be corrected. In fact, I like to know when I've done something wrong so I can correct it. BUT I can't accept the correction without also justifying it, usually in a manner that comes across as defensive.

"Yes, I was wrong, but let me explain to you why..."

Maybe I need to internally process the 'why' in order to correct the behavior. But the person offering the correction doesn't need to hear it.

Learning to say "Yes, I was wrong" PERIOD is going to be very difficult. It kinna makes me grind my teeth just to think about it. It's hard to accept that people will draw their own conclusions as to the end of that sentence. "Yes, she was wrong because she is....stupid...or incompetent...or lazy...or whatever." But isn't there something noble in that? In movies or books, the heroes are often the characters who allow people to draw their own assumptions - even if means false accusations or imprisonment or lost relationships or other vile things. And, um, isn't that what Jesus did when he was accused and tortured and crucified?

Not that I mean to say that I'll become a hero or a martyr or whatever if I correct this character flaw. But I think it's a trait that is worth cultivating.

On Blogging
Will I be blogging more regularly in 2012? I don't know. Maybe.

Over the past few weeks, I've thought about shutting down this blog, or at least making it password restricted. But then I log on to discover certain comments that remind me that there is some reason for this blog, though I don't fully understand what it is.

For example, in September 2007 I wrote this post in which I shared a poem from a book that belonged to my grandmother. In December, four years after the fact, I received this comment on that post:

"Pearl Bash Heckel [the author of the poem] was my next-door neighbor when I was a little girl. I have the fondest memories of her and her husband, Albert. They were like grandparents to me, as mine had died years earlier...I remember calling them Nana and Baba."

Ok, maybe the commenter was just using my blog to promote her own book of poetry, as evidenced by the rest of what she wrote. But still...don't comments like that make your heart warm and fuzzy? It's like this invisible thread connecting my grandmother (who I miss desperately, all the time) and me and a stranger. And it reminds me how small the world can be, and how interconnected everything really is.

Happy New Year
And with that, I wish a most happy new year filled with all the wonderful things to everyone who may wander by here. :)

2011: The Year That Was

2011-12-06T07:46:00.002-05:00

2011. In a word: exhausting. Life changes. Emotional upheaval. Self-examination. Refocusing.

“Change is never easy, you fight to hold on, and you fight to let go.” ~ The Wonder Years

I lost my job in February, which was devastating (and financially terrifying). But I learned two things. (1) As much as I enjoyed the job, it was slowly killing me. It was very much a 24/7 job, and I had come to a point that I had no hobbies, no relationships with friends, and had pretty much stopped going to church. I'd rather have all that stuff, and be mostly broke, and work a job that does absolutely nothing but provide a little income. (2) God is faithful. He's always faithful.

I picked up a freelance job in April, which allows me to still do what I love (work for a newspaper) without also sucking the life out of me. And in August I got a temporary/seasonal job at a book warehouse which, while I will never in a million years profess to love, definitely has perks: working with BOOKS, management with a hands-off style (something my personality requires!), and absolutely no responsibility or stress (which I really need in this season of my life).

I completely failed to keep any of my New Year's resolutions. One of those, to stay focused on my health, was an utter disaster, and I am not happy with myself about that. Depression (which I struggled with all year) does not mix well with caring about one's health. Ah, well. I'll get back on track. Soonish.

Another resolution was to concentrate more on my writing and to make progress on at least one of the novel ideas I have floating around in my head. But part of the refocusing I did this year was to come to place where I could admit that I really do not care about getting published. I had to let go of that concept of "What's the point of writing if not for publication?" I have story ideas. I have a God-given talent. But I just want to write for the joy of writing. And if God wants to somehow use my words, He will.

I'm coming back to a place of finding my passion for God. I slipped and I slid, and only when I came to a crisis in my life was I able to see how far I'd gone away from Him. While I regret the time I lost in growing in my relationship with Him, I can also see that it has served a purpose. I lost a lot of my preconceived notions and expectations, and am seeing God in an all-new light. He's the same, but very very different. And He's redefining my definitions of relationship and purpose and Kingdom.

And it's been interesting to see which friendships have remained as I have worked to clear away the rubble of my life. I'm sad that some friends have been lost, but very grateful for those that remain.

I've also had the time this year to rediscover some of the things that make my soul sing - art, theater, movies, music, books, cooking. Each of these things, in their own special way, makes me feel alive.

I am not who I was a year ago. And while I do not enjoy living through years like this one, in retrospect I'm always able to see why it was necessary and how it was wonderful.

Life is short

2011-08-06T20:05:00.000-04:00

What is it?

2011-07-06T07:30:00.001-04:00

Find out HERE.

Soundtrack of my life

2011-07-02T09:25:00.000-04:00

Rivers of Love

2011-06-21T07:21:00.001-04:00

There's a tunnel that leads to the rivers of love.
Sides make you bleed 'til you're white as a dove

Don't bother to bring all the baggage you cling to.
The porter will free you
Before you come through.
The doorway that cleanses;
The darkness that mends
It's easy to smile in the end;

When it all comes down to leavin' it all behind;
Moving on,
To the rivers of love.

And never be lonely again.
How long have you waited?
How long til you drown?

The rules and directions;
The twists and corrections.
Take toll on the highs we still strive to achieve.

To seek out the one love, the one that we dream of,
The one that may be there,
With you everyday.
Alone and untethered
And free of all ties -
Free since the day you first cried.

How long have you waited?
How long 'til you drown?

Cuteness

2011-05-29T06:58:00.001-04:00

I am very much not one of those females who squeals about cuteness. Today, however, is an exception.

This is quite possibly the most adorable baby photo I have ever seen.

The photo is from Emily's Little World. I am amazed at the art this woman can create with a camera and a few babies.

And then there's this kitty video. I dare you to not sigh "Awwwh..." upon viewing.

I Need a Map

2011-05-09T07:58:00.004-04:00

I think sometimes God brings up to a place where everything seems to be falling apart and nothing makes any sense so that He can redirect us to a new journey.

But right now I feel like I really need a map because I don't know what direction to go. I feel like I'm wandering lost in a dense forest, worrying about provisions and fearing there's a monster behind every tree.

EDITED TO ADD:

This song came on the radio this afternoon and felt so much like an answer to this post.

"Let faith arise...I lift my hands to believe again...You are my refuge, You are my strength...As I pour out my heart I remember...You are faithful God, forever..."

LET FAITH ARISE.

Are you without sin?

2011-05-02T15:42:00.001-04:00

What Osama bin Laden did was horrific and should not be diminished. That the United States military triumphed against him is an historic victory.

The thing that has been on my mind today, though, is that we are all sinners. We are capable of, and guilty of, evil. That thing you (I) did, those words you (I) spoke.....those things may very well have caused a "mini 9-11" in someone's life or heart. And in the eyes of God, sin is sin. Any act of sin is an affront to His holiness.

“Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone..." (John 8:7)

Maybe a little celebration is in order today. But it is also a day to pray for peace, both in the global world and in the smaller world in which you dwell.

My angels

2011-05-01T08:00:00.024-04:00

I recently read a novel in which one of the characters was the author of self-help books about angels, which is what led me to thinking about this topic.

Theologically, I have a lot of issues with society's portrayal of angels - they are not cute Gerber babies or Victorian woman in flowing gowns. Biblically, they're male and they're powerful warriors.

But, on the other hand, I also have to somewhat agree with angels as referenced in this novel - that we each have angels appointed to us to guide and protect us, and that they can appear in many different forms...because I have experienced angels in this way.

My first encounter with an angel was when I was about...I don't know...maybe 7 years old. That summer, I was very sick. I couldn't eat anything without vomiting, so I quit trying to eat. I remember my parents talking about putting me in the hospital where I'd be fed through tubes.

One evening, I was lying on the couch, too weak to do much of anything, drifting in and out of sleep, when someone appeared next to me. She was an elderly black woman, and there was something so peaceful and comforting about her presence. She didn't speak a word, she just placed her hand on my forehead, and petted my hair.

Miraculously, I got better after that. I was never taken to a doctor, never diagnosed, so I don't know what had been wrong with me. But I never forgot that moment or the angel that appeared to me in that unexpected form. I've dreamed of her a few times, and she's spoken to me in those dreams, but I've never again had a "visitation" from her.

Many years later, I was watching the movie "The Stand" and was flabbergasted by the character Abigail Freemantle. She looks and sounds exactly like my angel.

Another time, when I was in my 20s, I was in a very dangerous situation. (I won't describe the details...but it was pretty awful.) And I was saved from that situation by the appearance of a lovely young black woman. It was a very profound experience, and I am certain the woman was an angel. She has appeared to me two other times, not as a guardian, but as a comforter, and in this instances, she has sung to me, in a beautiful language that I don't recognize.

This angel looks quite a bit like Vickie Winans, who I hadn't even heard of until many years after that first experience. When I friend handed me a Vickie Winans CD with her picture on the cover, I was stunned.

I can't explain my angels from a theological standpoint, and I know that these experiences go against Biblical teaching. Nevertheless, I can't discount them as anything but very real.

What are your thoughts about angels?

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY THIRTY

2011-04-30T22:00:00.005-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY THIRTY: Your favorite song at this time last year "No Turning Back" - Sarah Blasko

Love the musical arrangement, love the lyrics, love the video, love Sarah.

I was involved,

Willing or not,

Born in the spark of an eye.

A city on fire,

Is out of control,

I put it down to the match.

In my hand,

On my heart,

Once again.

Against my will,

My own right mind,

Knocked down in the sand.

(Chorus)

But there's no turning back,

There's no turning back.

So stop those tears in their tracks

Cause there's no turning back.

So come in your will

To sit on your hands

Did you only want me to love?

To sit for a while,

A talk and a drink,

I followed much to well.

I carried on,

I broke the ice,

It melted once or twice.

I put my heart

Right on the line

Now it's time, my love, it's time.

(Chorus)

For there's no turning back,

There's no turning back,

So stop those tears in their tracks,

'Cause there's no turning back.

(Bridge)

And when I'm in your arms

I'll try to relax.

Don't wanna lie awake in your arms

Wondering where we're at.

Oh this tossing and turning

Won't clear these blues away

When I am longing just to hear you say,

(Chorus)

There's no turning back

There's not turning back

So stop those tears in their tracks

'Cause there's no turning back

There's no turning back

There's no turning back,

So put your heart in my hands,

'Cause there's no turning back,

Oh, there's no turning back,

I said there's no turning back.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY NINE

2011-04-29T22:00:00.002-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY NINE: A song from your childhood "Hoop Dee Doo Polka" - Frankie Yankovich

I can still picture this record album and I can still picture my mother singing this song. No one should admit these things.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY EIGHT

2011-04-28T22:00:00.004-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY EIGHT: A song that makes you feel guilty "Valentine" - Nils Lofgren

Sometimes "no" is the only correct answer. The memories associated with this song are bittersweet, yet still I love it. If you appreciate good guitar, it’s worth listening to all 8 minutes because the last 3 minutes or so is especially phenomenal.

Today I'm thinkin' about the world we live in

All the love and hate that's floatin' around

All the times I felt so lost and helpless

You stood by me, you never let me down

Still I keep throwin' up these walls

Most of them I've built with stones

You tear 'em down and bridge the distance

Knowin' we ain't here to be alone

So let your blue heart open wide

Let's never leave our dreams behind

It would comfort and restore my pride

If you let me be your valentine

Our differences are part of life

Still love will pass the test of time

I want you everyday and night

Girl, won't you be my valentine

Be my valentine

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY SEVEN

2011-04-27T22:00:00.003-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY SEVEN: A song you wish you could play "Piano Variations on Ode to Joy" -Yoel Ahn

Mercy goodness…watch his hands! I’d be happy if I knew Chopsticks.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY SIX

2011-04-26T22:00:00.004-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY SIX: A song you can play on an instrument "Night on Bald Mountain" - Modest Mussorgsky

In high school marching band, this was my favorite song & favorite routine. I couldn’t play it today under threat of death, of course.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY FIVE

2011-04-25T22:00:00.004-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY FIVE: A song that makes you laugh "I Am Cow" - Arrogant Worms

Cow lyrics + organ music. How can that be anything but funny?

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY FOUR

2011-04-24T22:00:00.007-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY FOUR: A song that you want to have played at your funeral "A Thousand Winds" - Hayley Westenra

I don't want one of the overdone funeral standbys like "Amazing Grace" or "I Can Only Imagine." I want something unique and beautiful, and this song is utterly perfect. And instead of the Hallmark sentiments, I would prefer this - “What is it to die, but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?” (Kahlil Gibran)

Don’t stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain

I am a thousand winds
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

Don’t stand at my grave and cry
I am not there, I did not die
I am the swift rush of birds in flight
Soft stars that shine at night

I am a thousand winds
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

Don’t stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain

I am a thousand winds
I am a thousand winds that blow
I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glint on snow
I am a thousand winds that blow

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY THREE

2011-04-23T22:00:00.009-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY THREE: A song that you want to have played at your wedding "Treat Me Good" - Julie London

I don't expect to ever have a wedding, but if I did, I would certainly choose this song. It's just so...yummy.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY TWO

2011-04-22T22:00:00.007-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY TWO: A song you listen to when you're sad "Whenever I Say Your Name" - Sting & Mary J. Blige

“Trust in the name of the Lord and rely upon your God.” Isaiah 51:10

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face

Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste

Whenever your memory feeds my soul, whatever got broken becomes whole

Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together

Wherever I lay me down, wherever I put my head to sleep

Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep

Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way

I'm calling out your name

Whenever those dark clouds hide the moon

Whenever this world has gotten so strange

I know that something's gonna change

Something's gonna change

Whenever I say your name, whenever I say your name,

I'm already praying, I'm already praying

I'm already filled with a joy that I can't explain

Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep

Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I got to lie awake and weep

Whenever I'm on the floor

Whatever it was that I believed before

Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying

Whenever this world has got me down, whenever I shed a tear

Whenever the TV makes me mad, whenever I'm paralyzed with fear

Whenever those dark clouds fill the sky, whenever I lose the reason why

Whenever I'm filled with doubts that we will be together

Whenever the sun refuse to shine, whenever the skies are pouring rain

Whatever I lost I thought was mine whenever I close my eyes in pain

Whenever I kneel to pray, whenever I need to find a way

I'm calling out your name

Whenever this dark begins to fall

Whenever I'm vulnerable and small

Whenever I feel like I could die

Whenever I'm holding back the tears that I cry

Whenever I say your name, whenever I call to mind your face

I'm already praying

Whatever bread's in my mouth, whatever the sweetest wine that I taste

Wherever I lay me down, wherever I rest my weary head to sleep

Whenever I hurt and cry, whenever I'm forced to lie awake and have to weep

Whenever I'm on the floor

Whatever it was that I believed before

Whenever I say your name, whenever I say it loud, I'm already praying

Whenever I say your name,

No matter how long it takes,

One day we'll be together

Whenever I say your name,

let there be no mistake

that day will last forever

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY ONE

2011-04-21T22:00:00.008-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY ONE: A song you listen to when you're happy "Oh You Pretty Things" - David Bowie

When I'm in a happy mood, there's a particular sound that fits the moment. It's difficult to describe, but David Bowie's delicious voice exemplifies it well.

Wake up you sleepy head

Put on some clothes, shake up your bed

Put another log on the fire for me

I've made some breakfast and coffee

I look out my window what do I see

A crack in the sky and a hand reaching down to me

All the nightmares came today

And it looks as though they're here to stay

What are we coming to

No room for me, no fun for you

I think about a world to come

Where the books were found by the Golden ones

Written in pain, written in awe

By a puzzled man who questioned

What we came here for

All the strangers came today

And it looks as though they're here to stay

Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)

Don't you know you're driving your

Mamas and Papas insane

Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)

Don't you know you're driving your

Mamas and Papas insane

Let me make it plain

You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

Look at your children

See their faces in golden rays

Don't kid yourself they belong to you

They're the start of a coming race

The earth is a bitch

We've finished our news

Homo Sapiens have outgrown their use

All the strangers came today

And it looks as though they're here to stay

Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)

Don't you know you're driving your

Mamas and Papas insane

Oh You Pretty Things (Oh You Pretty Things)

Don't you know you're driving your

Mamas and Papas insane

Let me make it plain

You gotta make way for the Homo Superior

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWENTY

2011-04-20T22:00:00.015-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWENTY: A song you listen to when you're angry "Butterflies and Hurricanes" -Muse

In expression, this is quintessential ab irato. The lyrics, however, hint at optimism rather than anger and defeat.

Change everything you are

And everything you were

Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun

Revenge will surely come

Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best

You've got to change the world

And use this chance to be heard

Your time is now

Change everything you are

And everything you were

Your number has been called

Fights and battles have begun

Revenge will surely come

Your hard times are ahead

Best, you've got to be the best

You've got to change the world

And use this chance to be heard

Your time is now

Don’t let yourself down

Don’t let yourself go

Your last chance has arrived

Best, you've got to be the best

You've got to change the world

And use this chance to be heard

Your time is now

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY NINETEEN

2011-04-19T22:00:00.005-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY NINETEEN: A song from your favorite album "Edge of the World" - Sam Phillips

There are not many albums that I will listen to without skipping a few tracks. Sam Phillips is one of the only exceptions to that. From "Fan Dance," 2005.

I don't remember last night but they took my picture

There was a car in the ocean off of Suicide Bridge

The heart collector had his hands on me

At the edge of the world looking up

I heard what you couldn't say to me

You gave it away when you said it to her

You're a secret that I tell myself

Running through a thousand lives

Hoping there's one on the other side

At the edge of the world looking up

You're so afraid of what you want

that you don't want it anymore

You wrote your message on my back and left

but time will pull us to the floor

I don't know when I came to and remembered your fingers

I went back to the house but it was a vacant lot

This matchbook you wrote on is all I've got

I'm not falling going down

Dreaming and singing without a sound

At the edge of the world looking up.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY EIGHTEEN

2011-04-18T22:00:00.006-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY EIGHTEEN: A song that you wish you heard on the radio "The Flood" - Katie Melua

The UK gets Katie. The USA gets…Ke$ha. ~le sigh~

Broken people get recycled

And I hope that I will sometimes be thrown off the pathways

What I thought was my way home

Wasn't the place I know

No, I'm not afraid of changing,

Certain, nothing's certain

What we own becomes our prison

My possessions will be gone

Back to where they came from

Blame

No one is to blame

As natural as the rain that falls

Here comes the Flood again

See the rock that you hold onto

Is it gonna save you

When the earth begins to crumble?

Why'd you feel you have to hold on?

Imagine if you let go

Blame

No one is to blame

As natural as the rain that falls

Here comes the Flood again

Flush away the weight that pulls you down

Light the ways that freed from the dust

(Flush away the weight that pulls you down)

Don't trust your eyes

It's easy to believe them

Know in your heart

That you can leave a prison

(Light the ways that free from the dusk)

Don't trust your mind

Its not always listening

Turn on the lights

And feel the ancient rhythm

Don't trust your eyes

It's easy to believe them (no one is to blame)

Know in your heart (as natural as the rain)

That you can leave your prison (here comes the Flood again)

Blame

No one is to blame

As natural as the rain that falls

Here comes the Flood again

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY SEVENTEEN

2011-04-17T22:00:00.005-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY SEVENTEEN: A song that you listen to when working out/exercising/running "No You Girls" - Franz Ferdinand

From a mixtape created by my friend Jeanne. Ambient with great rhythm. Strong girl, rawr!

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY SIXTEEN

2011-04-16T22:00:00.004-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY SIXTEEN: A song that you used to love but now hate "You Give Love A Bad Name" - Bon Jovi

I camped out overnight to buy concert tickets. Why?

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY FIFTEEN

2011-04-15T22:00:00.004-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY FIFTEEN: A song that describes you "Someone Like Me" -Cyndi Lauper

This was an easy song to decide on - the lyrics are perfect and I totally relate to the wackiness of Cyndi Lauper. But this is a deeply personal category - it's difficult to throw something out there and reveal to the world how you see yourself.

Click HERE to listen...I can't embed it from youtube.

Midnight falls on the snow-lit trees
And as I stand inside I know that I
Can't watch life through a window
My indecision is blocking the door
It's like a religion
That I never ask for more
I might stumble and fall

What's someone like me,
Doing in a life like this?
I can't see
What someone like me
Is doing in a life like this
Slipping back into the past

Sun comes up and streams
Through the blinds
And as I throw my clothes on
Do my hair wrong,
Stare into my mirror
Telling myself that everyone falls
Take the first step
That's the trick of it all
Bounce back like a ball

What's someone like me
Doing in a life like this?

My mind is filled with
Runaway dreams
I can't wake up
I don't know what it means
You see I fell asleep
With the television on
When I woke up it was gone
I read my horoscope
To see what's in store
I get a little lazy but
I want more, I want more

What's someone like me
Doing in a life like this?
I can't see
What someone like me
Is doing in a life like this

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY FOURTEEN

2011-04-14T22:00:00.002-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY FOURTEEN: A song that no one would expect you to love "Hello Walls" - Faron Young

In general, I have a very long tolerance for country music. But classic country reminds me of summer evenings and "going for a spin" with my dad in his pickup truck. We'd drive the back country roads, listen to the radio, and dad would check out the crops of the neighborhood farmers. At every stop sign, he would ask me which direction to turn, but no matter what choices I made, we always ended up at the ice cream store.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY THIRTEEN

2011-04-13T22:00:00.005-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY THIRTEEN: A song that is a guilty pleasure "Waterloo" - Abba

Cheez Whiz to the nth power. No one should admit they like anything by Abba. But it's just so, ya know, FUN.

My my, at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself

Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - Promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo

My my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight
And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose

Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - Promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo

So how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose

Waterloo - Couldn't be safe if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWELVE

2011-04-12T22:00:00.009-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWELVE: A song from a band you hate "Even Flow" - Pearl Jam

I've never understood the appeal of Pearl Jam. I don't like the voices, the musical arrangements, the lyrics. None of it.

"Even Flow" is from the album "Ten," which was certified Diamond, the highest RIAA rating, with sales of more than 10,000,000. Seriously?

I refuse to post it on my blog, but if you're curious you can listen HERE.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY ELEVEN

2011-04-11T22:00:00.006-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY ELEVEN: A song from your favorite band "Mystify" - INXS

I listened to the "Kick" album so much I had to buy it four times because I continually wore out the cassette tape. I'm not quite the ardent fan I once was, but I still turn to INXS when I'm looking for some feel-good funky fun.

All veils and misty

Streets of blue

Almond looks

That chill divine

Some silken moment

Goes on forever

And we're leaving

Broken hearts behind

Mystify

Mystify me

Mystify

Mystify me

I need perfection

Some twisted selection

That tangles me

To keep me alive

In all that exists

Well, none has your beauty

I see your face

and I will survive

Mystify

Mystify me

Mystify

Mystify me

Eternally wild with the power

To make every moment come alive

All those stars that shine upon you

When i kiss you every night

All veils and misty

Streets of blue

Almond looks

That chill devine

Some silken moment

Goes on forever

And we're leaving

Yeah we're leaving broken hearts behind

Mystify

Mystify me

Mystify

Mystify me

You're eternally wild with the power

To make every moment come alive

All those stars that shine upon you

And they'll kiss you every night

Mystify

Mystify me

Mystify

Mystify me

Mystify

Mystify me

Mystify

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TEN

2011-04-10T10:00:00.012-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TEN: A song that makes you fall asleep "Isle of Inisfree" - Celtic Woman

This song is like a snuggly Eiderdown comforter...I get lost in its soporific enchantment.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY NINE

2011-04-09T22:00:00.007-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY NINE: A song you can dance to

I can't dance. I don't have any sense of rhythm, and even choreographed, I look like a blundering buffalo.

So for today's post I will share with you a video of some folk who can dance:

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY EIGHT

2011-04-08T22:00:00.014-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY EIGHT: A song that you know all the words to "Melodies of Heaven" - Kirk Franklin

When I was a member of Judah First, the praise & worship team of the church I previously attended, I discovered something I didn't know - I really enjoy singing black gospel music. I love the energy, the passion, the chord arrangements, the harmonies. "Melodies From Heaven" was my favorite song.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY SEVEN

2011-04-07T22:00:00.005-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY SEVEN: A song that reminds you of a certain event "Attics of My Mind" - Grateful Dead

3-29-99. The most spiritually significant day of my life, best captured lyrically by the Grateful Dead. Listen to the lyrics, and (maybe) you'll understand.

Or, if you'd prefer, the cover version by the Leon Helm Band:

In the attics of my life, full of cloudy dreams unreal.
Full of tastes no tongue can know, and lights no eyes can see.
When there was no ear to hear, you sang to me.

I have spent my life seeking all that's still unsung.
Bent my ear to hear the tune, and closed my eyes to see.
When there was no strings to play, you played to me.

In the book of love's own dream, where all the print is blood.
Where all the pages are my days, and all the lights grow old.
When I had no wings to fly, you flew to me, you flew to me.

In the secret space of dreams, where I dreaming lay amazed.
When the secrets all are told, and the petals all unfold.
When there was no dream of mine, you dreamed of me.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY SIX

2011-04-06T22:00:00.024-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY SIX: A song that reminds you of somewhere "Deeply Dippy" - Right Said Fred

1993 and the road trip of a lifetime...Ohio, California, and every state in between. 3,000 miles of memories.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY FIVE

2011-04-05T22:00:00.008-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY FIVE: A song that reminds you of someone "Haticha Mehayay" - Sarit Hadad

2005, working a Christmastime seasonal job in Utah. All of my co-workers were young Israeli men, who were unlike anyone else I have ever known. They were affectionate and chivalrous, and they did everything with passion and purpose. I had a whirlwind romance with one of them that only lasted six weeks but will remain in my memory forever. The conversations, the kisses, the laughter, the tears...it was what novels are written about.

“For twas was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. Twas not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” (Judy Garland)

We dreamed half a dream

and didn't manage a thing

and I was an angel

and I loved you and I gathered you to me

in hiding of my wings

and you were a sea to me

and I was swept up in you

and I wanted to give you a slice of my life

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY FOUR

2011-04-04T22:00:00.022-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY FOUR: A song that makes you sad "Leaving New York" - R.E.M.

Thinking about..."New York" (T.A) and a decision that will probably always be punctuated with a question mark.

Click HERE to listen...I can't embed it from youtube.

It's quiet now, and what it brings, is everything
comes calling back, a brilliant night, I'm still awake
I looked ahead, I'm sure I saw you there.
You don't need me to tell you now, that nothing can compare

You might've laughed if I told you,
You might have hidden your frown.
You might've succeeded in changing me,
I might've been turned around.
It's easier to leave than to be left behind,
Leaving was never my proud,
Leaving New York never easy,
I saw the light fading out.

Now life is sweet, and what it brings
I tried to take.
the loneliness it wears me out,
it lies in wait.
and all I've lost, you're in my eyes,
shatter a necklace across your thighs
i might've lived my life in a dream
but i swear it, this is real
memories refuses, and it shatters like glass
mercurial future, forget the past,
but it's you, it's what I feel

You might've laughed if I told you,
You might have hidden your frown.
You might've succeeded in changing me,
I might've been turned around.
It's easier to leave than to be left behind,
Leaving was never my proud,
Leaving New York never easy,
I saw the light fading out.

You find it in your heart, it's pulling me apart,
You find it in your heart, it's pulling me apart.

I told you, forever, I love you, forever
I told you, forever, I love you, forever
I told you, forever, I love you, forever
I told you, forever, I love you, forever

You might've laughed if I told you,
You might have hidden your frown.
You might've succeeded in changing me,
I might've been turned around.
It's easier to leave than to be left behind,
Leaving was never my proud,
Leaving New York never easy,
I saw the light fading out.

Leaving New York never easy,
I saw the light fading out.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY THREE

2011-04-03T22:00:00.016-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY THREE: A song that makes you happy "La donna è mobile from Rigoletto" - Luciano Pavarotti

It's just so...jolly. (It also has a great rhythm for running, and {embarrassing confession} for some reason as I'm running on a chill summer morn and the sun is cresting on the horizon, when this song comes up on the playlist, I feel like I'm being filmed for a movie.)

Click HERE to listen...I can't embed it from youtube.

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY TWO

2011-04-02T22:00:00.005-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY TWO: Your least favorite song

My least favorite song would definitely be in the gangsta rap category. I decided to go the funny route to share this, however. Gangsta rap in the Sesame Hood, yo.

This just cracks me up!

30 Songs: 30 Days - DAY ONE

2011-04-01T22:00:00.015-04:00

A popular challenge on blogs and facebook recently has been "30 Songs in 30 Days" - to post 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

DAY ONE: Your favorite song "Reflecting Light" - Sam Phillips

Sam Phillips is one of my favorite recording artists. I feel like I've grown up with her. I first discovered her in my early teens, when she was singing cute pop tunes and angsty spiritual ballads. When I was in my twenties, she went through a phase of producing surrealistic experimental stuff, which related to my life at that point. Her most recent work has been mostly acoustic and poetic, again corresponding to my own state of mind.

Now that I've worn out

I've worn out the world

I'm on my knees in fascination

Looking through the night

And the moon's never seen me before

But I'm reflecting light

I rode the pain down

Got off and looked up

Looked into your eyes

The lost open windows

All around

My dark heart lit up the skies

Now that I've worn out

I've worn out the world

I'm on my knees in fascination

Looking through the night

And the moon's never seen me before

But I'm reflecting light

Give up the ground

Under your feet

Hold on to nothing for good

Turn and run at the mean times

Chasing you

Stand alone and misunderstood

Now that I've worn out

I've worn out the world

I'm on my knees in fascination

Looking through the night

And the moon's never seen me before

But I'm refelecting light

The trouble with goldfish

2011-03-30T23:32:00.001-04:00

Thanks to Jeanne for posting this on her blog - posters featuring graphics and the collective names of animals from Woop Studios. I'm having a major case of the wants! The art is fantastically fun and I have a ridiculous appreciation for collective names.

I've wanted fish art for my bathroom for a year. This would be completely perfect:

Appreciation is fundamental

2011-03-28T17:13:00.004-04:00

"The deepest principle in human nature
is the craving to be appreciated." William James

At my previous newspaper job, I often went above and beyond what was required. (Like working until 4 am and returning to the office five hours later. Or getting up at 2 am to shoot photos at an all-night event. Or driving on icy streets in blinding snow to cover a house fire. Or working 26 days without a day off. Or hearing the medical emergency helicopter fly by at 5 am and jumping out of bed to chase it down. Or leaving a family wedding to take photos of a parade.)

I did it because it was my job and because it was important to me to have a spirit of excellence. Though I didn't require praise, it would certainly have been welcomed. But my editor never thanked me, for anything, ever. (She was, however, always quick to criticize.) Working in that environment for almost three years, I became immune to how wearying and emotionally devastating it really was.

I'm freelancing now for a different newspaper. It's easy work covering feature stories and not challenging or time consuming in the least. It's almost embarrassing how appreciative the staff is for my contributions. I accept an assignment; they thank me. I submit a story; they thank me and compliment me. Today I sent in the list of stories I've covered this month to receive payment, and the editor thanked me for that! It doesn't affect my attitude toward the work, or impact the quality of writing that I do, because I'd do it with or without thanks. But it just - plain and simple - feels good.

Reflecting on all this has made see how fundamental appreciation is to a person's well being. People need to be thanked - for seemingly small things, for just doing what needs to be done, for simply being the uniquely wonderful person that they are.

Is there someone who needs to hear you say "Thank you."?

Upcoming: A Musical Month

2011-03-28T13:29:00.004-04:00

I recently learned about the 30 Songs in 30 Days challenge that's been popular on blogs and facebook - posting 30 songs (fitting certain categories ), one song per day, for 30 days.

I have had SO MUCH fun thinking of which songs to post for the challenge. It's kinna like creating a Life Soundtrack.

Beginning Friday, April 1, I will be posting the songs to my facebook account every day, as early as I can get around to it. And posts are scheduled for this blog at 10 pm every day. In some of the blog posts, I give more explanatory info than I'll be sharing in the facebook posts.

So, if you're interested in learning more about me, or would just like to listen to some music, make sure to check in here every day in April starting on Friday, and enjoy a Musical Month with me.

Wanna play along? View the list of categories HERE.

Distractible

2011-03-25T16:00:00.000-04:00

This was my facebook status today: "It's weird that when hours are not tightly scheduled, there seem to be less of them. I feel like I've entered some time warp of six hour days."

At the end of the day, when I look at what I've checked off the To Do list, I am puzzled that those few things took so long to do.

The thing is, without structure, I'm distractible.

I fill up the sink to do dishes, wash two glasses, see the cookbooks on the counter, and remember a recipe I wanted to look up. I abandon the dishes and look up the recipe, which leads me to searching for a similar recipe online. And while I'm at the computer, I check facebook and email, which leads to responding to posts or emails or looking up various other things.

Oh, the recipe! I check the cupboard to see what ingredients I have on hand, and then hunt up the flyer from the supermarket to see what's on sale. While hunting for the flyer, I find a magazine I haven't read and spend 20 minutes looking at that.

I never find the flyer, so I check the supermarket's website. And while I'm at the computer, I check facebook and email...which leads to various other things. And then the library calls to tell me that books I've ordered through interlibrary are available, so I decide to run to town to pick those up. Oh, I should go to the supermarket while I'm in town, so I need to make a grocery list.

Back to the kitchen to check the cupboards to make the grocery list, and I remember that I was doing dishes. I wash two plates and the phone rings. It's someone I've been trying to reach to schedule a news interview. Then I remember that I have a news story I should be writing, so I start working on that. And while I'm at the computer, I check facebook and email...which leads to various other things.

Oh, groceries! I realize I should check the budget before making the grocery list, and while working on the budget I remember I haven't sent in my deferment form for my school loan. I print that out, and when I take it out of the printer, I notice the drawer in the file cabinet that I've meant to organize. I organize for awhile, most of which involves taking papers out, reading them, and creating piles on the floor, which will then need to be organized.

An hour or so later, I realize I'm hungry. I check the cupboards (again), find something to eat, and start reading a book while I'm eating. I'm still reading over an hour later.

Okay, you get the idea. I'm distractible. :)

A friend responded to my facebook status, "Time frames help like you wouldn't believe... until you lose your time frame."

As silly as it may seem, I think I need to create an hour-by-hour schedule for myself. I wonder if anyone else out there is as distractible as I am?

I'm glad my brother is getting married

2011-03-20T20:52:00.006-04:00

I've always wanted a sister. I mean, I have a sister...but not that soul-twin-best-friend sister that people embroider stuff about.

My sister wears denim jumpers and bakes bread and home schools six kids and raises chickens and helps her husband manage his business - and does it all effortlessly and with a smile. I admire her, but I don't get her. At all.

My two sisters-in-law came into the family when I was too young to bond with them. Then I grew up and moved away, and one sister-in-law also moved away, and the other sister-in-law died, and I just never really got to know either of them.

My brother recently got engaged, and the more time I spend with his fiancé, the more I discover how much we have in common and how much I adore her.

Last night, we went to the opera. (Hello? She likes opera!!!) She wore an absolutely lovely non-matchy-matchy outfit with funky red shoes. (Hello? Fashionably trendy, much?) After the opera, we enjoyed a chocolate-raspberry-truffle-cake and a fantastique coffee cocktail. (Hello? She eats chocolate at midnight and is a Baptist who isn't horrified by liquor.)

I'm glad my brother is getting married. :)

Photo from the coffee shop's facebook page

Five Things Everyone Should Know About The Bible

2011-03-16T09:27:00.002-04:00

"God patiently works through people and time, enjoys a good debate, and prefers inviting conversation over issuing absolutes."

Read the article HERE.

When Failure Unleashes Passion

2011-03-12T13:41:00.000-05:00

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

Failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

Read the full text HERE.

Not what I was expecting

2011-03-07T11:25:00.003-05:00

Recently a friend reminded me that back in December, I said to her, "I have a feeling my life is going to be totally different at this time next year."

And already life has taken some twists that have led that statement to be true.

I was let go from my job at the newspaper three weeks ago. The first few days were very hard as I realized how much of my time had been devoted to, and how much of my identity had been derived from, my employment. And the financial strain is anything but pleasant.

Honestly, though, it's easy to see the silver lining in the dark cloud, the blessing in disguise. I now have endless hours to devote to the novel that first made itself known to me back in December. And maybe this is God's way of creating the opportunity for me to do what I've made excuses, for years, not to do.

At the beginning of the year, I signed up for a challenge to set writing goals for the upcoming months. I didn't even make it through the first week. Too busy, too tired, too stressed. Even though I don't think I'll go back to being part of the challenge, I AM writing, and I'm having a glorious time playing with my imaginary friends every day.

That's my life philosophy for 2011, as well as this quote from Dr. Seuss: "If you never did, you should."

In closing, a funny video - The Things We Say Wrong:

Unexpected

2011-01-25T19:37:00.000-05:00

A friend posted this on facebook. Sometimes, when I think I'm just going to die if it it continues to be cold and dark and snowy, I need to be surprised into remembering that there is a certain beauty that can only be found in winter.

Elsewhere: Week of Jan 4 - 10

2011-01-10T07:27:00.000-05:00

On my book blog

Review: Her Fearful Symmetry

Review: The Dead

On my wellness blog

Patience and her evil sister Not

On my cooking blog

4 Pepper 4 Bean Chili

On my fashion blog

The Misty Moors of Scotland

ROW80: Week 1

2011-01-09T19:55:00.001-05:00

So, how did things go for the first week of the Row80 challenge?

Eh, not so well.

Part One of my goal was to write at least 1,500 words per week. Insomnia stole all my brain cells this week, so that didn't happen. (I did, however, accomplish a great deal of online shopping. That can happen when you are still awake at 4 a.m.)

Part Two of the goal was to work through one chapter of The Artist's Way. The book didn't arrive in the mail until Friday.

On to week two...

Elsewhere: Week of Dec. 26 - Jan 3

2011-01-02T20:36:00.005-05:00

On my cooking blog

Wing in the New Year

On my wellness blog
Voices of Can't

On my book blog
Short Story: Cathedral

On my fashion blog

Ring in the New Year

Writing Goals I

2011-01-01T09:53:00.005-05:00

Row80 (Round of Words in 80 days) is a blogging challenge to set a writing goal and to work toward achieving that goal every day for 80 days, with new goals being set quarterly to cover the entire year.

These are my goals for the first quarter (Jan. 3 - March 24).

WRITING

Every week, write at least 1500 words of my WIP (work in progress) OR spend an equivalent amount of time working on backstory, research, plot outlines, character sketches, etc.

INSPIRATION

Every week, read one chapter from The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron and complete the exercises for each chapter.

You can view the list of Row80 participants HERE.

Resolutions 2011

2010-12-31T23:59:00.046-05:00

resolve - verb - to make a firm decision about

Run

1. Run. I was doing well with my exercise/diet routine until the days got shorter and the weather got colder. And then I turned into a hibernating bear. A bear that eats chocolate and potato chips and takes long naps. I resolve to get back on track and to set a goal to run a 10K race by autumn. And to make all the wellness choices that are necessary to achieve that goal. (I will be blogging about this at Seven Days of Success.)


wRite

2. wRite. Other than the writing I do 40+ hours a week for work, I really haven't been writing much at all in the past few years. I resolve to participate in the Row80 challenge. Row80 (Round of Words in 80 days) is a blogging challenge to set a writing goal and to work toward achieving that goal every day for 80 days, with new goals being set quarterly to cover the entire year.


Read

3. Read. I used to be a voracious reader, but lately the TV has gotten more attention than any book. This year, I'm unplugging and getting back to the books. I resolve to read (at least) 25 books this year, and to blog about those books at Only Orangery.

Looking Back

2010-12-29T07:00:00.000-05:00

Every day, every week, every year is filled with MOMENTS. Moments that, strung together, create your life.

What MOMENTS from 2010 do you remember most? What MOMENTS changed the direction of your life?

PS I love this video and could watch it over and over and over again. Thanks to Jeanne for sharing it on her blog.

I met a book today

2010-12-26T23:47:00.001-05:00

Fiction is a peculiar beast. You can't hunt it down and cage it. You have to wait until it approaches you. I haven't written fiction in I don't know how long. A few years, probably. I had begun to wonder if Fiction had forgotten about me and moved on to other authors. Or perhaps it was punishing me for taking the Last Book and deleting it away into Cyberland.

And then today, it happened. Fiction came and introduced me to a book. Well, actually only the prologue. I wonder if it is like this for other writers....bam, out of nowhere, there it is....The Idea...already written in your head. It comes in words, not pictures, and it's a bit unnerving in its intensity.

Only 500 words. That's all that has been revealed to me yet. I've met two of the characters, and I'm anxious for them to tell me their story.

Hello book, it's nice to meet you.

Elsewhere: Week of Dec. 19-25

2010-12-24T14:19:00.000-05:00

On my cooking blog
Cheesy Veggie Casserole

On my book blog
Review: Lost and Found

On my fashion blog
Happy Holidays

My Favourite Time of Year - The Florin Street Band

2010-12-23T07:00:00.003-05:00

I have totally fallen in love with this song. It's cheerful and fun and beautiful. I think it's my new Christmas favorite.

On the Night of the Lunar Eclipse

2010-12-21T17:35:00.004-05:00

On the Night of the Lunar Eclipse

Selene

dangling amidst the clouds.

No stars will dance with her tonight

to the syncopated rhythm

of December’s darkest symphony.

Gaia envelops her

in robes of scarlet velvet

singing soft a lullaby

in the key of winter major.

Selene

dangling amidst the clouds.

Does she turn her gaze upon me

where I stand alone in white,

my frozen breath the minor chord

in Gaia’s song of comfort.

No one will dance with me tonight

to the syncopated rhythm

Open your mouth

2010-12-19T23:21:00.003-05:00

Psalm 81:10

Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.

The thing that captivated me about this verse is that WE must do the opening. WE open our mouth; GOD fills it. When we pray and are waiting for God's response, do we look like this...

....or do we look like this?

Recently, a friend shared a quote from a movie about the secret to happiness. "Decide what you want and learn how to ask for it." But isn't there another step? Learn to accept it when it's given.

Do we ask for what we want...and then, instead of opening our mouths to receive, hide under an umbrella? Because we don't believe He'll answer, or because we feel unworthy to receive, or because we are afraid of what the next step might be?

How many blessings have we missed because we haven't heeded God's directive to "Open your mouth"?

And then again....

2010-12-19T10:15:00.000-05:00

I feel like an indecisive whiner butt. :D

Am I abandoning this blog...or not?

Immediately after writing the post in which I lamented that no one reads my blog so really what's the point, I started to have second thoughts. I mean, how many blogs do I read regularly but rarely or never comment on? How many times have I read exactly what I needed at the exact moment I needed it on someone's blog...and not told them? Couldn't the same thing be happening with people and my blog, I wondered.

And then a few days later, I stumbled on this post at Encouraging Words for Writers. (The post is from August, but I didn't find it until the exact moment I needed it. Ahem.) In the post, blog author Bonita talks about how stats and numbers are totally irrelevent in the blogging world. She writes, "When God calls us to do a particular something either through divine direction or through a simple desire in our hearts, we are only responsible to carry it out." I write, God does something with it. Simple equation.

In that post, Bonita directed readers to The Numbers Game at another blog. The author of this post compares blogging to Noah building the ark. Noah completed a God-ordained task that seemed both ridiculous and futile, and because of Noah's obedience, seven people were saved from the flood. ONLY seven (and a bunch of animals). Ever wonder if Noah had any "What's the freakin' point?" moments while building that ark? But he was obedient. This post made me realize....if ONLY seven people's lives are impacted by these words I throw out on my blog, it's very very worth it. And I don't need to know about it. I just need to trust God to use my words.

Still, I hesitated. I needed a teensy bit more prodding. Please, God?

And then Lorraine at A Multi-Dimensional Life left a comment on the post about my decision to quit blogging. Lorraine is one of my invisible readership. Honestly, I don't think she's ever commented before, and I don't think I'd ever visited her blog. Lorraine just simply let me know that she enjoys reading my blog and hopes I don't abandon it.

Ok, God, I get it.

With These Words (formerly known as Pyretic Ponderings) is alive and well. I will continue to throw my words out there and I will continue to believe that somehow God is using those words to impact someone's heart and life.

Love, peace, and blessings to all my Invisible Readers! :D

Elsewhere: Week of Dec. 12-18

2010-12-18T10:51:00.002-05:00

On my cooking blog
Some recipes from a cocktail party I hosted last Saturday.
These Asian-type appetizer thingys
Nutella-Crescent Roll Treats
Simple Spicy Ranch Chip Dip

On my book blog
Review: Breaking Night

On my fashion blog
Winter Glam

Why

2010-12-14T20:34:00.002-05:00

I think I've asked myself "Why do I blog?" several dozen times over the past four years. I seem to have the most unpopular blogs in the blogosphere, though I've tried many techniques to change that.

I really think I'm about done with this blog. I doubt I'll shut it down entirely; I have 4 years of thoughts and things posted here, much of which I'd hate to lose. But I've begun to see the futility of throwing my thoughts out there when no one is catching them.

I may still post here occasionally, but I think I need to find a different, more private, way to journal my life.

You can also check out my other blogs; the links are in the footer.

Reviewing 2010 via facebook statuses (stati?)

2010-12-09T13:07:00.001-05:00

If you click on the image, it will open in it's own window where it will be larger and easier to read.

these questions

2010-12-06T17:03:00.000-05:00

"The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of." (Blaise Pascal)

Our imaginings are what we crave, but are they what we need? Our hearts may long for one thing, but maybe the best thing for us is something else entirely? Should we create life by heart, or by reason?

FREE Christmas Music!

2010-12-03T18:21:00.000-05:00

Amazon is giving away one free Christmas music MP3 every day for 25 days. That is seriously awesome!

Happy Chanukah!

2010-12-02T07:25:00.000-05:00

"Miracle" by Hasidic reggae superstar Matisyahu

“Eight is the number of infinity /one more than what you know how to be / and this is the light of festivity / when your broken heart yearns to be free.”

A Thanksgiving Poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar

2010-11-23T18:54:00.004-05:00

A Thanksgiving Poem

by Paul Laurence Dunbar (1872-1906)

The sun hath shed its kindly light,

Our harvesting is gladly o’er,

Our fields have felt no killing blight,

Our bins are filled with goodly store.

From pestilence, fire, flood, and sword

We have been spared by thy decree,

And now with humble hearts, O Lord,

We come to pay our thanks to thee.

We feel that had our merits been

The measure of thy gifts to us,

We erring children, born of sin,

Might not now be rejoicing thus.

No deed of ours hath brought us grace;
When thou wert nigh our sight was dull,
We hid in trembling from thy face,
But thou, O God, wert merciful.

Thy mighty hand o’er all the land
Hath still been open to bestow
Those blessings which our wants demand
From heaven, whence all blessings flow.

Thou hast, with ever watchful eye,
Looked down on us with holy care,
And from thy storehouse in the sky
Hast scattered plenty everywhere.

Then lift we up our songs of praise
To thee, O Father, good and kind;
To thee we consecrate our days;
Be thine the temple of each mind.

With incense sweet our thanks ascend;
Before thy works our powers pall;
Though we should strive years without end,
We could not thank thee for them all.

Dating

2010-11-16T08:28:00.005-05:00

I've always thought that people who did it were insane, desperate, or both. But I did it. I signed up for account at an online dating website. Lately I've really been realizing that (1) I do not want to die without ever being kissed again and (2) I do not want to live the rest of my life alone.

And there just aren't many fish in this small town sea. :)

When I signed up for the account, I made the decision that I would just let things happen and not aggressively try to pursue anyone or anything. Honestly, I wasn't really expecting much, so to have active communications going on with *five* different men is a pleasant surprise. Either I'm attractive and interesting....or there are a lot of desperate men out there. ;)

Eric. Definitely at the top of the list right now. He's an artist, which earns him automatic bonus points. He's articulate, easy to converse with, interesting, and reasonably good looking. (Website match - 93%)

Alex. He's witty, fun, intelligent, and always keeps me guessing (in a good way). He's a nurse, and cute (though shorter in height than what I generally consider attractive). The major downfall with Alex is that he's an atheist which I'm more than a little uncomfortable about. My faith is important to me, and I'd like to have that in common. I know people who have great marriages with unbelievers, but I don't want to feel like I'm compromising what I believe. (Website match - 69%)

Bill. He's a big sweet romantic teddy bear. He says all the right things without seeming like he's just try to impress me. Right now, I'd think he'd be a fabulous date, but I'm not quite so sure about anything long term. (Website match - 60%)

Bradley and Chris. They are both charming rednecks. Beer, cars, hunting, country music. They both call me "hun" and try to woo me with words even though they are completely incapable of spelling. :) I'm uncertain about both of them, because they don't fit what I would describe as "my type," but I'm willing to admit that maybe I need to revise that. (On Chris' profile, he wrote that the perfect weekend would be to take a date to the rodeo on Friday night, and then to a play and a classy restaurant on Saturday night. That is just unbelievably adorable!) (Website match - Bradley: 77%; Chris 70%)

(The website match number indicates how compatible we are based on information we provided.)

I'm being cautious - very cautious. But it's very enjoyable to meet new people...and to flirt. It will be interesting to see where this goes.

The Mysteries Remain: Poem by Hilda Doolittle

2010-11-07T12:59:00.002-05:00

The Mysteries Remain

Hilda Doolittle (1886-1961)

The mysteries remain,

I keep the same

cycle of seed-time

and of sun and rain;

Demeter in the grass,

I multiply,

renew and bless.

Bacchus in the vine;

I hold the law,

I keep the mysteries true,

the first of these

to name the living, dead;

I am the wine and bread.

I keep the law,

I hold the mysteries true,

I am the vine,

the branches, you

and you.

Melancholy

2010-11-01T16:42:00.000-04:00

Beside still waters

2010-10-28T23:01:00.000-04:00

Bonita at Encouraging Words for Writers recently wrote a post in which she said that the well-known verse "He leads me beside still waters" could be read to mean "When I am beside still waters, He leads me."

I have to confess....that revelation hit me over the head like an anvil dropped from a 10 story window.

I'm on vacation this week and, anxious to spend time with some very neglected friends, I filled up my schedule with social obligations.

Monday went as planned. Lunch with a friend on Tuesday was cut short because of an impending rain/wind storm that neither of us wanted to drive in. The friend I planned to spend Wednesday with had to cancel because her dog was injured, which required a visit to the vet and some puppy nursing. My Thursday coffee date canceled because a work obligation came up. Tomorrow (Friday), I planned to go with two friends to the art museum and a favorite restaurant, but babysitting and car problems have derailed that outing.

I was filling the unexpected extra hours with neglected projects (like housecleaning) and things I don't always have a lot of time to indulge in (like books and movies), or making new plans with different friends.

It never even occurred to me that maybe it was GOD who was rearranging my vacation. I was too busy to hear His voice beckoning me to come away. I never considered the importance of sitting beside still waters and allowing Him to lead me.

I am so thankful I read Bonita's post this evening because now I know....God has asked to be on my schedule tomorrow.

The end

2010-10-26T21:52:00.003-04:00

Recently, two people I knew (acquaintances, not close friends) died in sudden tragic ways, and a family member was diagnosed with cancer. It has caused me to feel very contemplative. What am I doing here? Who am I impacting? Am I living a life of meaning? Am I pursuing my dreams?

Life can be over so quickly, and sometimes there's no tomorrow to say the unsaid or to do the undone.

One of my favorite poems (and the one that I want read at my funeral) is "When Death Comes" by Mary Oliver. This is part of the poem:

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

Or as Thoreau said, "I wished to live deliberately...and not, when I came to die, to discover that I had not lived..."

These are my thoughts. This is my prayer. But what is my action?

Friday Night Lights

2010-10-10T21:37:00.002-04:00

I've been watching the TV series "Friday Night Lights" on Netflix for the past couple weeks. A friend recommended it, and I was pretty much hooked from the first episode. The acting is stellar and it's easy to get caught up in the lives of the characters. I do have some major dislikes, however.

The first is unfinished story lines. Something happens....and then is never resolved. It's usually minor subplots, but it's still annoying.

There is a lot of drinking and implied sex. This is especially disturbing because the plot of the show basically revolves around teenagers. I understand that this is a reflection of our society, but I dislike how it is treated so casually. And in the one instance where there are consequences to the behavior when a girl gets pregnant, the boy acts nobly and they live happily ever after. That is NOT reality.

Faith and Christianity are mentioned in the show, and the characters almost always go to church on Sundays, but there is a lot about this aspect that really bugs me.

One of the characters has a "major conversion" and for several episodes she is witnessing to her friends and very involved in the church youth group. And then, suddenly, she has a dispute with her father and moves in with her with boyfriend (who lives with his brother) and her life is once again all about drinking and sex. There is no crisis of faith and struggle with guilt or anything. She just does a 360 with no explanation.

Another character decides to start using steroids to boost his performance on the football field. To buy the steroids, he lies to him mother and tells her he needs money for a SAT prep course. His mother appeals to the church pastor to help with the money and a collection is taken at the church. The boy shows no remorse using the money to buy the drugs, and later when he is caught for using, he does not confess to the pastor or make restitution to the church.

And even though the characters on the show attend church, their faith is rarely evident in their day-to-day behavior. I dislike how this promotes the American idea that going to church makes one a Christian.

Honestly, the only reason I have continued to watch the show is because I'm caught up in the lives of the characters. I want to know what happens next. And watching an episode is a simple 45 minutes of mindless entertainment. Overall, though, it is not a show that I would recommend.

Daybook daybook

2010-09-26T14:08:00.003-04:00

FOR TODAY
Sunday, September 27, 2010

Outside my window...it's feeling a lot more like autumn than it did all week. In fact, it's COLD but I am not ready to close the windows. I hate that shut-in feeling. :(

I am thinking...about the holidays. I can't believe this year is almost over!

I am thankful...for friends who love running as much as I do.

From the kitchen...I kind of went crazy on a New Recipe binge this last week, so I have a lot of leftovers to eat. All the experiments were good, so I'm ok with that! (The Spicy Asian Lettuce Wraps were incredible!!!)

New recipes I'm trying this week:
Pretzel-Crusted Chicken Tenders (but with this Spicy Peanut Sauce for dipping instead of the one recommended) served with Spiced Carrots for a side dish

I am wearing...blue jeans, green t, pink & green flannel shirt (and a very ugly but very warm brown sweater)

I am creating...

I am reading...Breaking Night, a woman's memoir of growing up homeless and then graduating from Harvard. I've watched the Lifetime movie several times and was very excited when she released the book. I'm definitely enjoying it.

I am hoping...that it doesn't snow anytime soon. ;0

I am hearing...the radio. I found a station that is playing some fantastic Irish/Scottish music.

Around the house...fall cleaning still needs to be done. I have a spider infestation and they are leaving webs everywhere. Even in my shoes. Ewwww.

One of my favorite things...doing charitable things for the holidays (donating canned goods to food banks, buying gifts for needy children, etc). Several years ago, some friends and I served Thanksgiving dinner at a homeless shelter. I'm thinking I'd like to do that again this year.

Pondering these words..."To me, a faith in Jesus Christ that is not aligned with the poor is nothing." (Bono)

A few plans for the rest of the week...The same as every week...work and school.On Wednesday (or Thursday) visiting a friend who had surgery. On Saturday, baby shower for my cousin.

A picture thought I'm sharing...see the photos of the week in this post.

Food Run 5K

2010-09-25T13:24:00.002-04:00

This morning two friends and I participated in a challenge - the Food Run 5K. The rules were simple: "You must carry/wear a bag/backpack/satchel containing 5 pounds of canned goods and run a 5K on any selected route/trail. At the end of your run you must then take the food to a nearby food-bank/church and donate it." The run itself, though, was not simple. Who knew 5# of groceries could seem so heavy?!?

But we had a blast. And it was exciting to go out for a run with these friends who recently began C25K because they were inspired by my success with the program.

Another daybook

2010-09-19T10:36:00.000-04:00

FOR TODAY
Sunday, September 19, 2010

Outside my window...chilly and cloudy with rain in the forecast. Not a fun weather day for attending events and shooting photos for the paper. :(

I am thinking...that I'm happier than I've been in a while, and that that is very wonderful!

I am thankful...for God's unfailing love.

From the kitchen...The cupboard is bare. I need to go to the supermarket. (I say that nearly every week, don't I?) I have a couple new recipes I want to try this week:
Cauliflower "Mac" and Cheese Casserole
Untraditional Meatloaf
Moroccan-Style Stuffed Acorn Squash
Fiery Lemon-Glazed Chicken Breasts

I am wearing...jeans, fleece pullover, green denim vest

I am creating...

I am reading...Nothing right now, but I placed an order with Barnes & Noble yesterday. New books...yay! New books with a 30% coupon and free shipping...double yay!

I am hoping...the laundry fairies come while I'm out and deal with the dirty clothes that are threatening to take over the apartment.

I am hearing...birds, windchimes, a bit of traffic. And this:

Around the house...I'm ready to do some fall cleaning! Maybe next weekend.

One of my favorite things...a great run in a beautiful place with rocking tunes on the MP3

Pondering these words..."The Lord is great and He should be highly praised. His greatness is unsearchable." (Psalm 145:3)

A few plans for the rest of the week...The same as every week...work and school. Maybe lunch with my cousin? And I hope to find something fun to do next weekend.

A picture thought I'm sharing...

The Appeal of Autumn

2010-09-11T18:17:00.001-04:00

Every season has its own special sensory delights, but I think Autumn is my favorite in that regard.

I love the colours of Autumn - orange, crimson, gold, emerald, aubergine, and mocha

I love the clothing of Autumn - corduroy slacks, woolen skirts and sweaters, denim jackets, blue jeans, fleece pullovers, flannel shirts, boots with heels

I love the foods of Autumn - apples, pears, cranberries, squash, pumpkin, soups and chili, fresh-baked breads and muffins, apple cider and chai latte

I love the indescribable smell of Autumn, the sight of leaves in a kaleidoscope of colour, the invigorating chill of morning that gives way to the lazy sun in the afternoon, and that certain dreamy quality of light at twilight that is so unique to Autumn

Back in Time

2010-09-07T15:42:00.003-04:00

Some photos from a photo shoot that I discussed in this post.

3 little happy-s

2010-09-05T01:05:00.003-04:00

ONE
A friend asked me to do a photo shoot around town for an application he is submitting for the Dozen Distinctive Destinations award. The town we live in is very picturesque and it was a perfect day for a shoot - not so sunny that I had to deal with glare and not so cloudy that I had to deal with the artificial look of too much flash. As I did the shoot, I realized how much I really love photography and what a fabulous artistic outlet it is for me.

I also had a very strange experience that I'm not certain I can even put into words. I felt captured in timelessness. It was like my camera became a time machine of sorts. The view through my lens became the image as it is now and also how it might have appeared 50 years ago, or even 100 years ago. There was something about the light and the atmosphere that contributed to this - autumn seems to imbue the air with sentimentality. And the way landscaping looks in autumn - a little shaggy and unkempt, caught between life and death - seemed to be part of it also. I was honestly a bit disoriented when I had finished.

TWO
I started running in June and at first I was very secretive about it because I was sure I was going to fail. My endeavor became very public in July, though, when I ran a 5K at a local festival and my editor asked me to write a story about it for the newspaper. It was a very honest story in which I confessed that I was fat and out-of-shape but I was running and enjoying it. I encouraged people to get up off the couch and discover their inner athlete.

The comments I received - and am still receiving - about this story astonishes me. People were genuinely inspired by my confession and motivated to become more physically fit. In fact, I have four friends who are now using the same running program I started with, and I am so excited for them.

I never in a million years dreamed that exercise would be an area of my life in which I would have an influence in other people's lives.

THREE
I'm running away today to spend two days with Michael, who was one of my best friends in high school.

It is almost impossible for me to get away from my job. I'm pretty much available 24-7 by cell phone. Browsing facebook I frequently find story ideas for the newspaper, and people message me there with questions and ideas. If I go to a restaurant or the library or the supermarket in town, I'm often approached with questions and ideas. So, part of my two day runaway is to completely get away from it all, including turning off the cell phone and leaving the laptop at home.

I'm also really looking forward to the trip because Michael and I had been out of touch for years and just reconnected via facebook a few months ago. He is seriously one of the funniest people I've ever known and it's impossible to be with him and not relax and have a genuinely fun time.

And two days of pizza-wine-hot tub-cookout-pool party-laughter-silliness sounds like exactly what I need right now.

This week's daybook

2010-08-30T08:42:00.002-04:00

FOR TODAY
Monday, August 30, 2010

Outside my window...it seems like Summer has decided to come back for a visit. Forecasted high today is 90!

I am thinking...that I need a cup of coffee before I can think.

I am thankful...for a wonderful week of fair, friends, family, and food.

From the kitchen...I have a pile of tomatoes that a friend gave me that I need to do something with and I want to experiment with making a high protein muffin this week.

I am wearing...brown capris and pink dressy T

I am creating...piles of too-big clothes for the thrift store!

I am reading...(I never realized how little time I have for reading until I started this weekly daybooking!)

I am hoping...that the weekend comes quickly.

I am hearing...birds, bugs, traffic.

Around the house...I'm thinking about some redecorating ideas. I've been in the apartment for a year and I'm starting to think about a new look.

One of my favorite things...memories & traditions.

Pondering these words.."Happiness is not a matter of events; it depends upon the tides of the mind." (Alice Meynell)

A few plans for the rest of the week...Work and school. (Finals week! Ack!). Saturday is City Wide Yard Sales with a whole pack of female relatives. Sunday and Monday I'm taking a mini Labor Day vacation to visit my friend Michael and his partner Mike. He and I were best friends in high school and have just recently reconnected...I think we're gonna have a blast! Oh, and sometime this week I have to do a photo shoot around town - a friend asked me to do the photos for a grant project a local group is applying for.

A picture thought I'm sharing...my friend Katy's daughter Tabitha on the carousel at the fair.

Daybooking early

2010-08-22T22:00:00.002-04:00

FOR TOMORROW
Monday, August 23, 2010

Outside my window...it's dark.

I am thinking...I thoroughly enjoyed taking a Life Break this weekend but I know I'm going to regret it tomorrow!

I am thankful...that I did well at the 5K on Saturday despite the fact that the course was MUCH hillier than I had anticipated. I can't believe how far I've progressed in my running ability this summer!

From the kitchen...I'm going to be spending a lot of time at the county fair this week so there probably won't be much going on in the kitchen.

I am wearing...jammies.

I am creating...a clean house! At last!

I am reading...several things. Yesterday it rained all afternoon, so I curled up in bed with a pile of books and magazines. It was wonderful! A few chapters of Reading Lolita in Tehran. Got almost halfway through Chocolat. Some poetry - Rilke's Book of Hours and October Palace by Jane Hirshfield. Bits of The Time Traveler's Wife and Jesus In Blue Jeans. Leafed through several issues of "Runner's World" and "Bon Appétit."

I am hoping...that getting caught up on work and homework tomorrow won't be too impossible!

I am hearing...traffic, bugs, traffic.

Around the house...cleanliness and organization! Hooray!

One of my favorite things...spending a weekend doing absolutely nothing.

Pondering these words..."Jesus created openings...the entire gospel is about the miraculous power we have been given to look at places that seem sealed shut and create openings." (Laurie Beth Jones)

A few plans for the rest of the week...Work and school. Lots of time at the county fair eating horrible food, hanging with friends, and taking lots of photographs for the newspaper. Picnic on Sunday at the church I used to attend in Sandusky.

A picture thought I'm sharing...I saw hundreds of these creepy web things in the trees while driving to the 5K race on Saturday. They look like something out of a horror movie (especially when there are that many of them!) but I learned today that they are just Fall Webworms.

Daybooking today

2010-08-16T13:22:00.000-04:00

FOR TODAY
Monday, August 16, 2010

Outside my window...It's only about 80 degrees today and there's a strong breeze - feels chilly!

I am thinking...I'd rather take a nap than go back to the office.

I am thankful for...my family. They're loud and argumentative and stubborn...but very loyal.

From the kitchen...millions of peaches!

I am wearing...jeans, pink dressy T, black cardigan, and flip-flops

I am creating...

I am reading...absolutely nothing.

I am hoping...to do well at the 5K race on Saturday.

I am hearing...traffic, bugs (what ARE those noisy bugs that I hear all the time?), birds, some kind of power tool from the junk yard across the road, the neighbor mowing the lawn

Around the house...Do I really need to mention that the house is STILL a mess?

One of my favorite things...summer. Winter is fast approaching and I'm scared. :)

Pondering these words...

A few plans for the rest of the week...Work and school. 5K race on Saturday!

A picture thought I'm sharing...celebrating my first 5K last month.

Daybook A Day Late

2010-08-10T20:18:00.004-04:00

FOR TODAY
Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Outside my window...Same as last week: The sun is setting and filling my kitchen with glorious light. The days are getting shorter. :(

I am thinking...about two stories I wrote for the newspaper this week, about missionaries to Africa. Their selflessness and devotion humble me.

I am also thinking...that ministry isn't always about preaching the gospel. Sometimes it just means being a person who influences other people to a positive change. This has been a difficult concept for me to grasp. I always want to think that we have to do "spiritual" things to make a difference. But there are so many little steps people go through in the process of finding God...and someone has to be there with people as they make those steps. Even when those steps seem utterly unspiritual. But then...isn't everything spiritual?

I am thankful...that a friend was offered a position as a worship leader at a local church. It was a decision that we talked and prayed about extensively, and I'm so excited for her.

From the kitchen...fresh garden tomatoes = BLTs! Yummo!

I am wearing...paint-stained capris that are too comfortable to ever throw out and a tank

I am creating...

I am reading...Reading Lolita in Tehran...still.

I am hoping...that the time between now and my week-long vacation in October passes quickly

I am hearing...bugs (crickets? locusts? I don't know, but they're noisy tonight!)

Around the house...Gah! The mess! How can one person create such a disaster?

One of my favorite things...the wonderful opportunities I have through my job to learn new things and meet fascinating people.

Pondering these words..."I am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me and 90 percent of how I react to it." (Charles Swindoll)

A few plans for the rest of the week...Work & school. Dinner with the parents tomorrow night - homemade cabbage rolls and Jeopardy! Family picnic on Saturday.

A picture thought I'm sharing...me and my friend Mickey at a party Saturday night. (I don't know what that weird thing I'm doing with my mouth is about but I like that I'm starting to look less like a fluffy beast in photos! :) )

As The World Turns

2010-08-02T20:18:00.003-04:00

FOR TODAY
Monday, August 2, 2010

Outside my window...The sun is setting and filling my kitchen with glorious light. The days are getting shorter. :(

I am thinking...I should be doing homework.

I am thankful for...Divine appointments. God has brought two new people into my life this week and it's awe-inspiring to see His hand in my interactions with them.

From the kitchen...Dinner is cooking! Hungry! (Chicken coated with dry ranch dressing + BBQ Shake -n- Bake, and broccoli) Absolutely nothing planned for the week. I need to go to the supermarket.

I am wearing...Jammies. Pink T and bottoms printed with Bambi & Thumper. :)

I am creating...

I am reading...Reading Lolita in Tehran. A friend recommended it, I found it on a clearance rack for $1, and it's set on my bookshelf for about 6 months. I finally decided to read it.

I am hoping...that the rest of this week is not as stressful as today was.

I am hearing...the playlist I made for running this week, while I sync it to my MP3

Around the house...the dust bunnies are procreating.

One of my favorite things...watching the sun rise while I'm out for a morning run.

Pondering these words...The words on my calendar for August: "It's better to fall short of a high mark than to reach a low one." (HC Payne)

A few plans for the rest of the week...Just the usual - work & school. And a bachelorette party on Saturday that I suspect could be very interesting. ;)

A picture thought I'm sharing...A friend took this photo in April. Those two tiny lights in the upper left corner are planets...I think Venus and Mercury.

In My Own Little Corner

2010-07-26T16:34:00.006-04:00

My cousin Amber has been participating in the Simple Woman's Daybook for quite some time. I decided to be a copycat and do this as well (at least for a little while) so I have something to post here without having to think of a topic. :)

FOR TODAY
Monday, July 26, 2010

Outside my window...Bright and sunshiney! I love summer.

I am thinking...I want to take a nap. I am soooo sleepy today for some reason.

I am thankful for...Friendships. On Friday night, my friend Angel and I went to see a theater production of "A Wrinkle In Time." Then we met another friend, Jean, and went out for pizza and wine and talked until they closed down the restaurant. Next we went to Wal*Mart where we had a sword fight, modeled sunglasses, and had a disturbing but funny conversation about bananas. ;)

From the kitchen...I think dinner is going to be chicken (from a local free-range chicken farm) and green beans (from the farmers market). And maybe some cherries. No exciting food plans this week.

I am wearing...Jeans and a lightweight sweater. It's a bit chilly today. (Meaning it's not 90 degrees. ;) )

I am creating...Clean laundry. Or I will be if I ever get motivated.

I am reading...A Wrinkle In Time. (I wanted to reread it after seeing the play Friday night.) And my textbook for Critical Thinking (Bleck. This book really annoys me. The whole thing is full of stories and examples, and then the test questions are like: What is the definition of truth value? I don't know what the definition is, but I sure do know what Bob and Jane do and don't do! Aaaargh.).

I am hoping...that I pass Critical Thinking! Haha.

I am hearing...Birds. There a lot of birds in the trees around my house. And occasionally traffic.

Around the house...Some serious major cleaning is in order. Probably won't happen until the weekend though.

One of my favorite things...On my mind right now, after seeing a play Friday night, is how much I love theater. I'd much rather go to a live production than a movie.

Pondering these words..."Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth." (Ludwig Börne)

A few plans for the rest of the week...Just the usual - work & school. But I am taking part of the day off work tomorrow to hang out with my friends Connie & Kristy...probably just going to a coffee shop for a long chat. They both live about 45 minutes away and I do NOT see them often enough!

A picture thought I'm sharing...I saw these mourning doves when I went for a run at the state park Sunday morning. I went back later to shoot a picture.

Where Have I Been?

2010-07-18T19:55:00.001-04:00

I haven't blogged here in six weeks...and honestly there isn't much to report that has happened in my absence.

I have been focusing intensely on my physical well-being. This is consuming a lot of my thoughts and time and emotional energy. I've been here before; God took me on a similar journey several years ago. I'm trying to do it differently this time and in a way that I can sustain for a lifetime. The most exciting aspect of this is that I've started running. I wanted to include exercise into my life in a way that could become a lifelong habit. The gym never felt that way to me. I found a running program that progresses through increasingly difficult levels of walking and running intervals. The structure of this totally works for me and has made running possible for me. In fact, I've come to really enjoy running, and I did my first 5K on Saturday (with more planned in the future!).

I'm still doing online college classes, and the block of classes I'm in right now is far from easy. I'm not grasping the material well, and the amount of work I have to submit each week seems enormous. I'm honestly not enjoying it at all.

Spiritually, God has taken me back to a place of beginnings. I had begun to intellectualize my faith in such a way that it was distancing me from the very Source of that faith. I'm enjoying simplicity again. Simple Bible verses. Simple worship. Simple prayer. It's challenging and beautiful and I'm falling in love all over again.

Bloggy Break

2010-05-31T10:16:00.002-04:00

I don't think anyone reads my blog, but just in case, I'll be courteous and hang the "Closed" sign in the window.

God is taking me on an Inner Journey and I'm not ready to write about it here. I want to turn my focus solely towards Him and to document this experience in private.

Not going out of business. Just on vacation.

Denying your dreams

2010-05-27T22:50:00.000-04:00

I heard a new song by Melissa Etheridge on the radio this afternoon. She's one of the few singers that I love to listen to so much that I really don't care what the lyrics are. (I'm a word girl. Lyrics matter.) The lyrics of this new song were essentially meaningless to me, until she got to one line. (And, while driving 60 mph down the road, I dug around frantically in my purse for paper and pen and scribbled them down to remember later. Ha!)

"And we make our choices
Doing what we think is good
We deny our own dreams
'Cause we think we've been told we should..."

Ponder that.

Finding God in Healthy Nutrition

2010-05-22T23:01:00.004-04:00

For about a month, I've been making changes in my food intake and researching nutrition. I have an endocrine disorder, and the symptoms are best managed with a low carb diet. (I know this is true because I ate like this for awhile several years ago, and it worked).

I'm also realizing that it's quite likely that I have an intolerance to wheat. Over the past month, I'd mostly eliminated grains from my diet, but the ones I did choose to eat were all non-wheat. I really noticed a difference in how I felt, even more so than just doing low carb.

This afternoon, I had one of those "lightbulb" moments, when something suddenly makes sense. I was always sick as a kid. I puked all.the.time. I mean constantly. And there was a weird incident when I was about 8 when I suddenly refused to eat. At all. I don't remember it very clearly, but I do know that it got to the point where my mom told me that if I didn't eat, they were going to put me in the hospital. What I realized this afternoon is that maybe I was sick because of an intolerance to wheat, and maybe the refusal to eat had a subconscious connection of realizing that food was making me sick.

(Just as a side note, wheat intolerance is different than celiac disease, which is an intolerance to gluten. Wheat intolerance is caused by the lack of an enzyme necessary to digest wheat. Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder, in which the body reacts to gluten as a toxic material by creating antibodies that attack the intestine and cause severe damage over time.)

Anyway, I said all that to say this: in monitoring what foods I choose to eat and by paying attention to how food is affecting my body, I'm discovering that God seems nearer and clearer. I sense that I'm being obedient and He is pleased.

"Our bodies are temples and we have been created in God’s image. We need to be good stewards of the body entrusted to us! Being aware of what we put in our body, the fuel that we give it, is the primary way to do this.

So many studies have been done about foods that cause horrible destruction to the body like diabetes, cancer, or obesity if eaten in excess. And individually we all know what foods make us feel good and which foods don’t. And as Christians we are to be doing God’s work. If our body is weak, sick, or incapacitated because of what we have consumed, we certainly will be disappointing the God who created our bodies and every intimate detail of every single cell and who has called us to good works. God cares. God cares very much." (Abby Jackson)

Crunchy Carrot

2010-05-21T19:49:00.000-04:00

I never did share a photo of the much debated Painting the Bathroom Orange project. So, here it is, a lovely shade of Crunchy Carrot:

School lunches and nutrition

2010-05-19T08:04:00.005-04:00

One of the college classes I am currently taking is "Essentials of Health & Wellness" and I have also been focusing on improving my own eating and exercise habits. I have developed somewhat of an obsession about nutrition and have been doing a lot of research.

Children and nutrition is one of the things I have been studying. I recently discovered a blog titled Fed Up With Lunch. The anonymous author of this blog has been eating school lunches and sharing the menus and photos. I was horrified by these meals! Very little protein, a ton of carbs, very few healthy vegetables and fruits, and lots of processed foods.

Some examples:
Menu: chicken tenders, carrots, fruit jello, bread, milk
Protein: Processed and breaded chicken.
Vegetable: Raw carrots (good). A packet of ranch dressing to drown those carrots? (not so good).
Fruit: Fruit that is swimming in sugar-and-dye Jell-O.

Menu: cheese sandwich, tater tots, apple, pretzels, milk
Protein: Um? The processed cheese?
Vegetable: Tater tots (Seriously? Tater tots?)
(Bread, potatoes...and let's throw more carbs on the menu with some pretzels.)
Fruit: Ok, an apple is great. But how many elementary students would only eat the apple if it was peeled and sliced for them? Probably most of those apples landed in the trash.

Menu: turkey, carrots, fruit cup, bread, milk
Protein: Processed (probably mechanically separated) turkey (with gravy and stuffing).
Vegetable: Cooked carrots. Not bad, but they're a high carb veggie choice. And they were probably canned carrots, meaning all the nutrients were zapped out of them in processing and a ton of salt was added.
Fruit: Fruit cup = canned fruit swimming in sugar water.

Menu: cheeseburger, buns, baked beans, orange, milk
Protein: Cheeseburger. Not too bad.
Vegetable: Baked beans? High carb and loaded with sugar. Yeah, that's a vegetable.
Fruit: Oranges are great, but what kid is going to peel an orange. Like the apple, I bet a bunch of these landed in the trash.

Menu: salisbury steak, bread, corn, apple, milk
Protein: Processed mystery meat that is more filler than protein. And that mystery meat is swimming in high-fat-high-sodium gravy.
Vegetable: Corn, which has so many carbs it's more a starch than a vegetable.
Fruit: Again with those apples.

Menu: tex-mex (turkey meat over rice & corn), beans, tortilla chips, fruit jello, milk
Protein: Turkey "meat" with rice (carbs) & corn (carbs).
Vegetable: I guess it's the refried beans? That's not a vegetable, it's carbs and fat.
Fruit: Once again, we have that fruit disguised in sugar-and-dye Jell-O

Menu: hamburger, buns, fruit bar, and tater tots
Protein: Hamburger. (Why didn't the kids get the processed cheese this time?)
Vegetable: Again, those questionable tater tots.
Fruit: A popsicle. (Yes, that's what "fruit bar" means.)

I think I'm starting to feel ill.

What's crazy is that all these meals (supposedly) meet federal guidelines for school lunches. I honestly can't believe these guidelines are considered healthy - very high carb, very low protein, and no recommendations to avoid processed foods. (For students in grades 7-12, the required amount of grains is 15 servings per week. That's 3 a day...just at lunch! Good grief.) Of course, those guidelines allow some leniency: "Up to 1 grains/breads serving per day may be a dessert." Wow.

Children age 6 to 11 who are overweight: 18.8 percent

Children age 12 to 19 who are overweight: 17.4 percent.
Childhood and teenage obesity increased by four times in the past 40 years.

Something has got to change. Chef Jamie Oliver has begun the Food Revolution, part of which is to change school lunches. You can read his ideas here. While you're there, you can also sign the petition "to save cooking skills and improve school food."

Whenever I Say Your Name

2010-05-14T21:51:00.001-04:00

This week's Favorite Friday topic is favorite R&B singer. To be perfectly frank, R&B is one of my least favorite styles of music. However, I love the song "Whenever I Say Your Name," a duet by Sting and R&B artist Mary J. Blige.

So I'm linking up to Favorite Fridays with this song.

God Does Not Like Flowcharts

2010-05-11T21:09:00.007-04:00

An assignment for one of my online college classes this week is to identify two life goals and create a flow chart of smaller goals to accomplish in order to reach each life goal.

I was enjoying the process. I love lists and graphs and charts. I was actually getting a bit excited. Maybe some of my Big Dreams really will come true!

And then I heard God chuckling. Not in a malicious way, but in a Proverbs 16:9 way. "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."

Over the last several years, I've planned and plotted and planned...and God has derailed me and reordered my steps.

PLAN A: Study in Israel for a year and go into ministry.
Two months before I was scheduled to leave there was the airline terrorist scare that led to changes in regulations about how passengers have to pack liquid items (which didn't affect my plans but certainly made me wary of air travel). BUT THEN war broke out between Israel and Lebanon (about 50 miles from the school I was to attend, which, in cases of war, is WAY TOO CLOSE).

PLAN B: Go to business college, get a good-paying job, continue my education through seminary.
I graduated from business college. And ended up working as a newspaper reporter, which is awesome BUT it doesn't require any of my business college training, is definitely not a good-paying job, and makes it impossible to continue my education through traditional on-campus classes.

PLAN C: Forget ministry. Fall in love and get married. Continue working at the newspaper.
I did fall in love...but it ended quite disastrously.

PLAN D: Continue working at the newspaper, pursue an associate's degree through online classes, and then find a different job and continue my education.
I'm still executing Plan D....and waiting to see what derailment God has planned. :)

So, I'm going to complete my assignment for my college course, but I really don't have any great expectations that I will ever see the fulfillment of those charts and lists and graphs.

Because I've definitely learned that God does not like flowcharts.

Mothering Instinct

2010-05-09T00:05:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day!

Never Grow Up

2010-05-08T13:27:00.008-04:00

This week's Favorite Fridays topic is Favorite Animated Movie. I love animated movies...here are two from a very long list of favorites.

I have to confess that I love anime, especially anything by Hayao Miyazaki- he's an artistic genius. My absolute favorite is...

For a funny animated flick I have to choose...

TOY STORY

I can quote almost all the lines (and I sometimes use them in conversation). I laugh out loud every single time I watch it.

Mr. Potato Head: Hey, Hamm. Look, I'm Picasso.

Hamm: I don't get it.

Mr. Potato Head: You uncultured swine!

Buzz: Don't talk to me about importance! Because of you, the future of this entire universe is in jeopardy!
Woody: What? What are you talking about?
Buzz: Right now, poised at the edge of the galaxy, Emperor Zurg has been secretly building a weapon with the destructive capacity to annihilate an entire planet! I alone have information that reveals this weapon's only weakness. And you, my friend, are responsible for delaying my rendezvous with Star Command!
Woody: YOU! ARE! A! TOYYYYY! You aren't the real Buzz Lightyear! You're - you're an action figure!
Buzz: You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.

Woody: What happened to you?
Buzz: One minute you're defending the whole galaxy, and, suddenly, you find yourself sucking down Darjeeling with Marie Antoinette and her little sister.

Clouds and Questions

2010-05-02T20:41:00.001-04:00

I sat out on the porch this evening, sipping a mug of tea and watching the clouds with awe and wonderment. The clouds were nearly black, silhouetted in marked contrast to the whitish-grey of the sky, and they were moving so swiftly in the wind that they looked like puffs of angry smoke. Do you ever have those moments when it's just so obvious that there is a Creator, and that He's abundantly creative?

This afternoon I watched "The Blind Side." (If you haven't seen it, you should. It's not fantastic, but it's very good.) Very short synopsis: a family takes in a homeless boy, they help him to get accepted into college, and he becomes a pro-football player. It made me wonder: does everyone have the potential to become successful if given the right opportunities? If everyone DOES have the potential, why DON'T they have the opportunities?

Is it as simple as this is a fallen planet and everything is messed up? Or is that those who should be creating opportunity aren't doing so? Or is it that some people are destined to live a quiet life of desperation in the ghetto?

Are people meant to find their own way of the dark alleys of life, or are the more fortunate meant to help them? Why do we get so caught up in striving for our own success that we don't even notice those who can't even make the first step?

The movie made me cry, and not very many of those tears were caused by the plot.

Remembering Alma

2010-04-25T14:43:00.000-04:00

My great aunt Alma died Friday morning. She was 104 years old (wow!).

She hadn't been well physically or mentally for more than 10 years. Usually when I would visit her at the nursing home she would either be asleep or uncommunicative. But one day, the week before Easter, she was awake and in the dining room for lunch. We had a little conversation of sorts - not very coherent, but it was far more than I'd had with her in a very long time. I like to think it was her way of saying goodbye.

She was a really incredible woman. She went to college and had a career, in an era when most women married and raised a family. She didn't marry until she was in her late 30's and she never had children. She always wear a dress; I never saw her in a pair of slacks in my whole life. And I loved her laugh - it was just a quiet chuckle, but her eyes would sparkle with merriment, and if she was really amused, she'd snort. She had a tendency to always repeat the last few words of a sentence a second time. "I think it's going to rain. Going to rain."

When I was a kid, I frequently had Days at Aunt Alma's. She'd pick me up and we'd go into town to the small corner market to buy "wieners." (I think she loved hot dogs and having a child over for lunch was an excuse for her to eat kid food. :) )

She always bought weiners from the meat counter. They were casing wieners that were all linked together and they lay behind the glass in a big swirly rope. Aunt Alma would always tease me about how many wieners I could eat. "Can you eat 12? Will we have enough to eat if I only buy 12?"

She cooked them by slicing them and frying them. And with the wieners we always had corn, and potato chips from a can, and sliced bananas with sugar and cream. She stored her bananas in a back bedroom that was cool and dark.

After lunch, if it was summer and the weather was nice, we'd go outside. We'd work in the yard or the garden or just go for a walk and look at flowers. On days when we stayed indoors, she'd sit in her rocking chair and nap, and I'd write stories and draw pictures. When I finished writing, she would always read my stories out loud and tell me they were wonderful.

There are two specific things I remember from Aunt Alma's living room. She had a massive collection of porcelain Scotty dogs. I was allowed to play with one, and only one, when I visited. Choosing the Scotty dog for the day was agonizing. The other thing I remember was a calendar in the shape of a globe. The month and date were in the center of the globe, and when you'd flip it, the date would change. I've never seen anything like it since. I wonder whatever happened to it?

And before I left for the day, I was allowed to have one mini Milky Way bar from the bag that she always kept in the hutch in the dining room.

When I was about 11 years old, Aunt Alma - the best bread baker in the community - shared her secrets with me. She knew all the science behind the ingredients and the process, and she just had this transcendent way of making the whole experience rather magical. Bread baking days were also storytelling days - mostly memories, but she also told some folk tales and some things she made up. I don't think she ever told the same story twice. Baking bread with Aunt Alma were some of the best days of my childhood.

When I was in my mid-20's, Aunt Alma went through a bad spell. She was depressed and suicidal and wouldn't take care of herself, so she moved to an assisted living community. I had just left my ex-husband and was also in a bad place in life right then. For about a year, Aunt Alma and I had lunch together almost weekly, and I discovered a philosophical and profound side to her that I'd never known before. She really helped me come out the other side of my life crisis. And after lunch, she'd always send me home with a plate of cookies - walnut with orange icing or oatmeal raisin.

Aunt Alma steadily declined after that. It's really a blessing that she was finally able to die because she hadn't been herself for a long time. I'll miss her - tremendously - but I'll always have my memories of what an incredible person she was and how much she impacted my life.